For Whom the Wedding Bells Toll
June is such a capitalist month, just like any other month. This month, however, is dedicated to the capitalism of weddings. Big bucks (in this country, pesos) are raked in by event organizers, wedding planners, florists, caterers, and etc. This month also makes me think of marriage and the entire ball-and-chain system. My boyfriend would probably freak out if he hears that I’ve been thinking about the idea of weddings and marriage. He would reassure me that it’s not because he does not love me or that he has no plans of getting married at all. His reason would just be that he still does not have enough cash to bear the cost of a wedding and the entire marriage thing. Well, thinking is not equal to doing. Besides, before any course of action, one must think it through.
In my better moods, I usually kid him about getting married already. Getting married would be more convenient for both of us. We do not have to travel a great distance just to see each other (Quezon City to Makati takes roughly around 2 hours by taking public transportation). I do not have to spend a lot on taxi fare just to meet him. I would not be terribly inconvenienced with going home late just because he and his friends played cards until the wee hours of the morning. I can just sleep whenever I feel drowsy if we’re hanging out with each other (if we have our own place). See, a lot of benefits if ever we do get married.
Then, my mind slams back to reality. Marriage is such a scary concept. Ideally, marriage is totally committing yourself to another person for the rest of both your lives. Yet, women can no longer depend on that level of commitment these days. Daily news reports are filled with husband beating up their wives, constant philandering, marital rape, and even husbands killing their wives. One can never be too sure about the man she marries. He may be an angel today but he could easily be a monster when you have lived together for a few months. There are also varying degrees of spousal abuse. Husbands may be emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. There is no easy way to detect which guys are psycho and who are not.
My mother always cautions be about getting into serious relationships. One of the most memorable lines was “Parang magkapatid na lang kayo pag nagsama na kayo ng matagal”. She said that married couples tend to treat each other like siblings as time pass by. Other women describe it as taking care of another child, albeit a fully grown one already. Other people may deny it but women are expected to bear the responsibility of making a relationship smooth-sailing. Aside from making the relationship “work”, women are expected to take care of the family, raise the kids, make sure that the family is financially secure, and take care of the elders. Even though men claim that they are the breadwinners, women are the ones who have to make sure that the money earned by their husbands are spent wisely. A wife always has to be prepared of the eventuality that her husband may lose his job or leave their family for other women. And these things are just the tip of the iceberg!
Whenever I think about the realities aforementioned, I shudder and immediately curb the impulse to find the so-called happily-ever-after. Maybe there is one or maybe not. I am still waiting for mine.
In my better moods, I usually kid him about getting married already. Getting married would be more convenient for both of us. We do not have to travel a great distance just to see each other (Quezon City to Makati takes roughly around 2 hours by taking public transportation). I do not have to spend a lot on taxi fare just to meet him. I would not be terribly inconvenienced with going home late just because he and his friends played cards until the wee hours of the morning. I can just sleep whenever I feel drowsy if we’re hanging out with each other (if we have our own place). See, a lot of benefits if ever we do get married.
Then, my mind slams back to reality. Marriage is such a scary concept. Ideally, marriage is totally committing yourself to another person for the rest of both your lives. Yet, women can no longer depend on that level of commitment these days. Daily news reports are filled with husband beating up their wives, constant philandering, marital rape, and even husbands killing their wives. One can never be too sure about the man she marries. He may be an angel today but he could easily be a monster when you have lived together for a few months. There are also varying degrees of spousal abuse. Husbands may be emotionally, verbally, and physically abusive. There is no easy way to detect which guys are psycho and who are not.
My mother always cautions be about getting into serious relationships. One of the most memorable lines was “Parang magkapatid na lang kayo pag nagsama na kayo ng matagal”. She said that married couples tend to treat each other like siblings as time pass by. Other women describe it as taking care of another child, albeit a fully grown one already. Other people may deny it but women are expected to bear the responsibility of making a relationship smooth-sailing. Aside from making the relationship “work”, women are expected to take care of the family, raise the kids, make sure that the family is financially secure, and take care of the elders. Even though men claim that they are the breadwinners, women are the ones who have to make sure that the money earned by their husbands are spent wisely. A wife always has to be prepared of the eventuality that her husband may lose his job or leave their family for other women. And these things are just the tip of the iceberg!
Whenever I think about the realities aforementioned, I shudder and immediately curb the impulse to find the so-called happily-ever-after. Maybe there is one or maybe not. I am still waiting for mine.
posted by Anyssa @ 11:03 PM
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